The Bright Side of Life (and Death) – Part I

It’s sad, but true, that the death of others is meant to teach us to savor our own lives, but the sad truth is that it usually doesn’t.

 

This past year, my husband lost two friends. And, I mean that both literally and figuratively. One friend committed suicide – he was a lost soul. The other was lost in a rafting accident in Montana, missing amidst the rapidly rising waters, sadly to be found dead two weeks later. My husband attended the funerals for each of these men who were only a smidge older than 40 and left behind wives, children, and loved ones. Though profoundly impacted by those fatalities, I wonder what lasting impressions they might leave on us for the long term. After all, life goes on for the rest of us.

But, what does it really mean to “go on”? Are we merely trudging through our lives, glossing over each moment, busily pursuing our “Shoulds” and “Have Tos”, all the while wishing that our lives were somehow different than what actually is? How many of us are truly living our lives as if it could be the last day, the last hour, or even the last waking breath? Are you embracing the life you have even though it may not look and feel picture-perfect every day?



When will the rain stop?

 Over the past 12 months, I personally suffered “death by a thousand cuts.” What do I mean by that? It seemed that a curse of never-ending oddities was cast upon me by some Universal jokester, and once strange things started to happen, the floodgates opened. As I’m hitting 40 years old (this Friday!), I can accept that shit happens. But, it began to feel like I had become Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, sentenced to live a life of getting it wrong, over and over again, until I got it right. While no singular event was a matter of life and death, the compounding effect of each troublesome incident began to take a serious toll on me. Each upsetting nick chipped away at my emotional stability creating a canyon of depression that I had never felt before; hence, “death by a thousand cuts”.

By July of this year, I began to feel somewhat hopeless; wondering when all of this craziness would stop. As a trained life coach, I inherently know that there’s a purpose to all that happens, but being temporarily blinded, as if I had been hit over the head one too many times, I had a hard time seeing that. Then I had a situation at work, which really got me tied up and stressed out. But when I finally delivered my presentation, my worry turned out to be much ado about nothing, and in fact, I came out of it with flying colors.



I can see clearly now, the rain is gone.

 I could finally see that for each uncomfortable thing that had happened over the past year, my life had not only gone on, but it had gotten much better in some regard. The more that I accepted “what is” rather than what I wished life should be at every moment, the more I could clearly see that my life would go on for the better – it always does. And, if I took the time to savor the present moments, no matter how odd they seemed, and believe that circumstances could be different (if that’s what I really want), then all would be better in due time. Looking back now, I can confidently say that what didn’t kill me has definitely made me stronger. Here’s just a few of the things that happened, and how I looked at the bright side of life:

•  Last September, my car broke down on the NJ Turnpike. Thankfully, I didn’t get into an accident. Despite my emotional attachment to the SUV that had carried my infants home from the hospital several years earlier, I had to accept that it was finally time to ditch that clunker, and invest in a much safer, swankier car. Now, I love my new Mazda…Zoom-Zoom!
• A few days later, while driving my husband’s car, I got a ticket for going the wrong way on a one-way street (it was a very short street and a much longer story!). I’ve since learned to slow down, and be more mindful of my surroundings (and the law) – a choice which I’m sure will help me avoid future mishaps.
• The very next day, a much anticipated four-day getaway to Cape May with my husband turned into a one-nighter when my son ended up in an emergency room three hours away. Fortunately, we had already made the most of our 24 hours down the shore, and more importantly, we were able to make it back in time to comfort our son through an unplanned, Civil War-style surgery.  The feel of clenching his tiny hand and knowing that I was there for him, remains with me today.
• A month later, my 5-year old got kicked out of his kindergarten after-school program due to bad behavior (seriously?!). We were forced to find a babysitter who turned out to be the angel he needed to help him mature. Now, he’s off to a great start in first grade.
• Back in March, my nearly finished basement flooded, but because my contractor was three months behind, the hardwood floor hadn’t been installed yet. Luckily nothing was seriously ruined, and as a future precaution, we installed a back-up hydraulic sump pump. When Hurricane Irene came, despite losing power for two days, we were one of the only houses on the block to emerge with a dry basement and absolutely no damage! And, we had the capacity to help our neighbors recover.
• I could have never imagined that my contractor would still be working on both upstairs and downstairs home renovations (9 months off schedule!), which have left every room in my house turned upside down, as well as our daily lives in chaos. However, I’ve learned to me more flexible in all aspects of my life. I now know that the only belongings I really need access to are my mountain bike and my beach chair. And, during the time we had only one TV, which was hooked up in the master bedroom, the whole family loved crowding into bed together to watch movies. Our patience is finally paying off, and, in just a couple of weeks, I’ll have a beautiful, Sense Savvy home to enjoy with family and friends.

The list of maladies goes on and on, but I think you got the picture that this year kind of sucked.  But, did it really?  I recently watched one of my favorite movies, “Evan Almighty” starring Morgan Freeman as God and Steve Carrell as Congressman Evan Baxter who is chosen by God to act as a modern-day Noah (as in the Ark). Amidst the humorous story, there is a very pertinent message that speaks directly to my recent trials and tribulations. In one scene, God (posing as a waiter in a diner) comforts Evan’s wife Joan who thinks her husband has gone insane as he’s building in Ark in their backyard. He says to her:

“If someone prays for patience, do you think God gives them patience, or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If they pray for courage, does God give them courage, or does he give them the opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm, fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?”



There is a purpose to all that happens.

In some regard I feel that the year-long curse has been lifted, although I’m wise enough to know that bad things will always happen to everyone. However, if we choose to face rough times with a positive attitude, embracing them as opportunities to learn, grow, and teach, we might just get everything we want...and undoubtedly, everything we need.  Always look on the bright side of life.

Click to watch the Evan Almighty - Opportunity Clip, and stay tuned for Part II of this blog, “The Bright Side of Life (and Death)”.