Part II - The Bright Side of Life (and Death)

It’s Halloween, and styrofoam graveyards have popped up all over the neighborhood. I’m reminded that I’ve had a fascination with cemeteries ever since the 7th grade. My junior high school was located next to an old church, and during cheerleading practice I used to watch the Cross Country team run out from the wooded path that wove through the graveyard. What were they running from – ghosts, ghouls, and goblins – or just a wicked coach?

The Haunted Mansion at Disney World reminds us of our mortality and implores us to find a sense of humor in it. The seemingly endless line into the attraction is made somewhat less painful by the slapstick cemetery leading up to the macabre doors, in which several of the epitaphs were written in honor of famous Disney Imagnineers. The tombstones read like comic book pages:

HERE RESTS WATHEL R. BENDER, HE RODE TO GLORY ON A FENDER

HERE LIES GOOD OLD FRED, A GREAT BIG ROCK FELL ON HIS HEAD

What might mine read? - HERE LIES SENSE SAVVY ME, I STOPPED TO SMELL THE ROSES AND WAS STUNG BY A BEE - I think I have to work on that!

A night-time trip through a real cemetery would definitely creep me out, but a daytime visit has the completely opposite effect on me. In fact, I feel a strong sense of wonder and intrigue upon entering a cemetery, and the older the gravestones are, the more I relish the experience. Isn’t it just like walking into a library, in which each tomb is an abridged book? Only, the graves aren’t as well organized as the Dewey Decimal system. And, there’s seemingly no rhyme or reason to how the stones are laid out. All I know is that the spots are filled on a first come, first serve basis.

Like a book, the gravestones tell us that our lives meant something, and that the time we spent upon this Earth really did make a mark. During the final Oprah Winfrey show, she said, “Just being alive makes worthiness.” Moreover, “everyone wants to be seen and heard,” – this seems to be equally true in both life and death. Each tombstone provides some highlights of its resident: a beginning (the birth date), an ending (date of death), and often a vague, but touching middle, which usually reads something to the effect of “he was a loving son/daughter, father/mother, and grandfather/grandmother.”

Cape May Gravestone

However, there’s so much left unknown. And, that’s what really fascinates me…the missing details - the Who, What, Where, When, and Why that would connect the dots between the “Once Upon a Time” and “The End”.  What was each chapter of the person’s life like – what were their mysteries, the fantasies, the romances, the dramas, and the comedies? Did they actually like the family members they’re now buried next to for all eternity? Did they ever figure out and pursue their life purpose?

On a trip to Cape May last year, my husband and I biked to Cold Spring Presbyterian Church. The congregation dates back to 1714, and the headstones in the surrounding cemetery date back just as far. There was a gravestone (pictured to the right), that was so well constructed, that even at nearly 200 years old, I could clearly read the epitaph as follows:

In memory of Reubin Suthard who departed this life August 17, 1813,

Aged 23 years, 10 months, and 26 days

Parents and Friends weep not for me

Tho I was drowned in the sea

It was God’s will it should be so

Some way or other all must go

In the olden days, the life expectancy was about three decades shorter than it is today. And, since life was so fleeting, one’s history was recorded down to the very last day spent alive on Earth. I’m heartbroken at the tiny graves of children whose lives spanned just months or even days. But, death is inevitable, and this is plainly stated on Reubin’s tombstone. It seems to me that Reubin Suthard lived it right. If I had to guess, Reubin was a seaman, who lived out the life he was meant to lead and died doing what he loved to do. Everyone knew it. How else would his family come up with this epitaph?

Who hasn’t thought about their own funeral? Don’t we all wonder how many people will show up, what will they say, and who will come to visit once we’re six feet under? But, why waste our time on such silly questions. If we live our lives authentically, from the heart, and in service to the world, we should have nothing to fear or regret about what our tombstone will read.

Here are Thirteen Halloween-Inspired, Words of Advice About Life and Death:

1. “Everyone has a calling. Figure out what you should be doing and get to the business of doing it – don’t waste another minute.” – Oprah Winfrey

2. You only live once (as far as most of us can remember), so act like it.

3. Make every year, month, day, and second count.

4. Choose a great environment and make it beautiful – you may be there for eternity.

5. Love and appreciate your family – you may end up living together forever.

6. Ask yourself, “Did I live today as if it were my last day?” If not, try again tomorrow.

7. Figure out if you're "living it right".

8. Always accept today, but ask yourself, "What can I change about tomorrow?"

9. Don’t let yourself be bored stiff. You’ll have plenty of time to be stiff as a board.

10. “Do not wait until you are on your deathbed before you start to recognize that no material possession, no job, no status, no thing matters in terms of defining who you are.” - Eckhart Tolle

11. Have a sense of humor about life and death.

12. Live and learn from these songs:

• Live Like We're Dying – Kris Allen
• 100 Years – Five for Fighting
• Love the World You Find – The Flaming Lips
• Why Georgia (Am I Living it Right?)– John Mayer
• Life in One Day - Howard Jones
• Time of Your Life – Green Day
• You Learn – Alanis Morisette

13. Always Look on the Bright side of Life. Watch this video and sing along at the top of your lungs – Always Look on the Bright Side Sing-along 

If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

- Lyrics by Eric Idle, Monty Python's Life of Brian

Click here if you missed The Bright Side of Life and Death - Part I